Every married couple
has one common wish—they want their marriage to work. Unfortunately, broken
marriages are a sad reality because people do get divorced.
When two unknown people get married,
there is a sense of uncertainty - the thought on both sides is , whether my
partner will love me, will he take care of me or protect me from the evils of
the world. It is on both sides. But when they start living together they begin
to understand each other, they come to know each other’s nature, and sometimes
their thoughts do not match. Husband thinks I am a man and earn, hence she has
to do whatever I tell her to do. I bring money and by which she runs the house.
The lady thinks I am the lady of the house and my husband should listen to what
I say. This leads to fights and the things go out of hand and may lead to
broken or failed marriages.
There are many more reasons which attribute to failed marriages. However, I have highlighted a few of them and hope couples will take these into cognizance and SAVE MARRIAGES.
1. Ego
We define ego as
your idea of opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own
importance and ability. It is said, when nails grow, we cut nails not fingers;
similarly when misunderstandings grow up, cut your ego, not relationships.
2. Lack of Understanding
Couples stay together
because they still believe in the idea of happiness and that they can achieve
it. People in relationships pretty much want the same things: love, security,
trust.
I believe there is a way to create a great relationship, but there’s no way to build one unless you fully understand your deeper feelings and those of your partner.
No one likes to be criticized, and no one responds well to judgment. It hurts. What we get in many relationships is hurt feelings on top of hurt feelings. One person says something cross, the other replies and takes it up a notch. Both people feel cheated and misunderstood.
Couples who want a good relationship do not want to see their mates suffer. The hard part, and what I feel is teaching people to understand themselves and each other so they can feel happy. When couples nail this, everything else is easy to figure out.
'Understanding is more important,
as love without understanding won't last.'
3. Lack of Accommodation
Accommodation refers to the willingness, when a partner has engaged in a potentially destructive behavior, to (a) inhibit impulses toward destructive responding and (b) instead respond constructively. Partners should be well advised to maintain manners and avoid scrupulously avoid destructive acts.
"If you are rude to me, I am inclined to be rude to you”. And to ‘A’ partner’s destructive act ‘B’ partner’s primitive response is to behave destructively in return. But if ‘B’ thinks and decides that reacting constructively seems a good idea, then it seems like right thing to do, in whatsoever one may be willing to bear the cost of reacting constructively. This is Accommodation.
Partners should feel
strongly committed to their relationships are more important to their wellbeing and are less self-centered. Accommodation is much lower in people who are
self-centered.
4. Lack of Adjustment
For A good marital relationship marital
adjustment is essential. The adjustment
of marriage must happen on your mutual terms and conditions. Marital adjustment
is accommodation of each spouse to the other to his/her role as husband/wife
and to the responsibilities of the marital relationship.
I feel couples have to make adjustments in areas like sex, income, social activities, in-law relationships, and religious activities.” If you adjust to the other person in every situation, life will be beautiful. "Do not try to improve your spouse. Just accept them as they are, ” says Dada Bhagwan.
A person who knows how to adjust with others does not suffer. When you fail to adjust, you hurt yourself and also the opposite person. So avoid making any losses and learn how to adjust. “ Adjustment with each & every person is the highest religion”.
5. Lack of Trust
Relationships are composed of trust, and sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings. They are built upon trust and sharing and they get stronger from these things. Trust is one of the most important component of a loving relationship. Also, international studies show that trust is a critical factor in the success of long-term marriages.
- 6. Wife Earning more than Husband
When both are working, sometimes the wife gets more salary or money than her husband , she thinks that since she is earning more, her say should be there. Here comes the Ego in between, which may lead to failure of marriage.
Some men just can’t handle it. Studies indicate that where a wife earns more than a husband, the possibility of the couples being at a higher risk of splitting are more. In the male dominated societies, husbands always want to be the ‘bread earners’ as bread winning is still often seen as a father’s role than mother’s.
Some women who feel they are on a higher echelon than their partners are more likely to feel embarrassed of their partner’s lower status and more likely feel unhappy about it and consider divorce
7. Poor communication
“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life, without it–It Dies”. Communication is necessary for human growth and development also it serves as the essential foundation for marital success and is the facilitating process for an enduring marriage that is satisfying (Robinson & Blanton, 1993). Communication within relationships is an important factor, if there isn’t communication the relationship suffers.
Communication could be both productive and destructive to relationships. Unhappy couples tend to criticize, disagree, complain and use excuses. Whereas happy couples have marriage stability and actively listen, agree, use laughter and humour.
A lack of communication can spell disasters for the relationship. Talking with your partner can resolve major conflicts.
8. Lack of Intimacy
Marriage needs intimacy to survive. Intimacy may be a) Physical or b) Emotional. Physical intimacy often enhances a marriage. While sex is the MOST deciding factor in marriage, but missing sex and intimacy can lead to serious relationship issues like anger, infidelity or communication breakdown- all of which can lead to irreparable damage to ending the marriage.
Couples must understand that sex life suffers if there is a lack of emotional intimacy too. Spending time together can help build emotional intimacy. It is important for couples to understand why sex is important and how they should use intimacy and sex as a glue to maintain their love bond.
9. Ever Interrupting in-laws
Married couples never want pressure from outside. Most people know that they should mind their own business while some don’t understand that other people too require their privacy and personal space. In our country there are still people living in joint families and mostly couples have to face intrusive in-laws.
In-laws may also want to give you advise on how to handle your married life. But one has to be clear as to what is actually important to him/her. Pleasing your intrusive in-laws is not your job, hence couples should talk it between themselves and must not worry what he/she will feel.
Maintaining a safe and good boundary with
your in-laws will certainly make your marriage work better. Sometimes in-laws
over involve themselves and end up ruining their children’s marriages although
they want otherwise.
So Friends, my
sincere advice to couples would be to make your spouse feel valued, understood, and accepted. They may not always agree with each other, but each partner attempts
to understand the other’s point of view with warmth and empathy. Save Your Marriage, please.
Inputs from Google n pics from Unsplash.com
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